It's Been A While...

Well it has been over eight months since I have written anything on this blog of mine. It's not as if I haven't had anything to write about either. I suppose I just haven't taken the time to. What a year it has been...Ups and downs, steep hills to climb and valleys to forge. Some days I feel like I am drowning in the abyss of uncertainty and other days I am on top of the world and nothing or no one can take me down. I suppose life is just like this. God has been teaching me a lot about patience and contentment. And although I fail in that most days I am so in awe of His grace for me.

We are still waiting for word on Chris's job. This has been a nightmare and I finally told Chris until I see official paperwork stating that his job is no longer I am not packing one box. I trust that God has a plan but I wish sometimes He would just let us in on it. Life is a journey. We can either fall apart in the wake of the unknown or allow God to lead. This is certainly easier said than done. I believe it is through the trials of life that we grow. He allows a certain amount of heartache to push us. I want to be up for the challenge. I will confess my will gets the better of me sometimes. But like a loving Father he corrects me and sets me on the right path. We like sheep have gone astray... I am a wandering sheep with ADD!! I am sure He looks at me and shakes his head.

Kids started school this week. Nathanael is now in the 6th grade and at the high school... CRAZY!! He has 7 classes I believe and one of those classes is Shop. I think he will really get a lot out of that class. I am praying that this year will be better than last. Nathanael is a wonderful kid but he has a hard time making friends. I don't know why that it. My prayer for him is that he finds a good friend this year. Macaela is a 4th grader this year. She has a new teacher just hired this last summer. I am thankful though she is a seasoned teacher. Macaela loves school and has many friends. I pray that this year she will be able to master all of her subjects. She did so well last year in catching up. She is almost at grade level for reading. Really proud of her. Both kids are playing soccer this fall. Should be a busy season!

I have been dealing with a heal bone spur all summer long. I have never been in this much pain in my life. Granted I have never been through child birth but I suppose this would be second to that. I will be returning to the doctor on Monday and asking for him to do surgery. I can't live with this forever and well with the probable job loss and insurance being no longer I need to do something. I am tired of being laid up every other week or so.

Thank you Lord for seeing us though all things :)

Uncertainty...

Our new year is already faced with uncertainty... We have known for a few months now that Chris's job with the USFS was on the chopping block we just haven't known the specifics as to when and wether or not he would have a job somewhere else. It has been a restless waiting game. In the meantime he has been working tirelessly on his business plan and making contacts to help get funding with lots of success but still needing a few minor details to fall into to place. Which could happen tomorrow or six months from now. Looks as though we will be facing a move and jobloss fairly soon. I won't lie somedays are harder than others. It seems as though when I am worried and feel the preasure of the unknown Chris is positive and unbeat and vice versa so we are a good team. We also know that God is going to provide no matter what. But as I look around our little home, the home I have grown to love, where Chris, the kids and I have become a family, everything we do is becoming our last... our last Christmas and New Years, our last winter, our final weeks will be filled with those. And that can be exciting on some level that this adventure we are on is always changing. But sometimes it also feels as though the carpet could be pulled out from underneath me at any moment in time. We have some tough decision to make in the coming months. It is possible that Chris will be offered a buyout at work but this means he will not be able to work for the government for the next five years in any capacity including fire assignments, it is a nice chunk of change that would allow us to live on it for a while until the business gets going but nothing to fall back on if it doesn't, or he can take the settlement which is considerably less money but he would still be able to work for another agency and continue his fire assignments should we need the extra income this summer. It is hard to know what to do. I trust that my husband will do what he thinks is best for our family and I know he is seeking God's direction. I am praying for a clear path to be laid ahead for doors to be opened or closed according to God's will for our lives. And I ask of you as my friends and family reading this that you too will come along side and pray with us as well. In times like these I am always drawn back to Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm, to give you hope and a future." and Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight." So when the doubts creep in and I give way to the unknown future I have to go back to what I believe to be true and that is God promised to never leave me or forsake me especially in troubled times. He never promised it would be easy but that He would be there when it got tough. Lord I thank-you for loving me enough to send me through trying times to show me what blessings are to beheld through the tears and heartache. Lord I seek your will to be done though us and that our will doesn't try to overcome yours. Father I know that you have gone before us a made a way help us to see open our eyes and hearts. I ask for forgivness when we have faltered and gave in to worry and doubt. I ask for peace beyond our understanding when the final decision is made. Lord I thank you that you are carrying us through and although we dont always understand why but I pray that you will be glorified in all that we say and do and that your light will shine through us and give others around us who are struggling a glimpse of your greatness. Father your love for us is beyond description and many times I know I have taken that for granted, please forgive me for that. Help me to know you are here Lord. I pray these things in Jesus name, Amen

Time Warp Wife 31 Day Challenge, Day 1

I receive in my email everyday a devotion from Time Warp Wife and I confess many days go by without even opening my email. I am sure I miss a lot of inspiring words of encouragement because I my lack of desire to even open one email. Today as I was sifting through the many emails I came across this challenge so I opened it. I am 7 days behind but better late than never. The challenge for day one was to read Corithians chapter 13, the love chapter and answer some questions about that chapter. Well I took it a step further and wrote out the whole chapter in my journal. And reflected on how many times I do not love others the way God has called me to. His instructions are there in black and white and so many times I have completely ignored His ways. I wrote a prayer afterward to help me learn to love more like Him. More of His love and less of mine...

Lord,
      I pray for patience beyond measure and forgivness when it runs thin. Kindness for all even those who seek to harm. Help me not to be jealous of my husband's time, envious of what others have, and thankful of my many blessings. Please guard my heart and mouth from boastful words and help me to not have prideful thoughts and actions. Please show me ways to honor others with all that I say and do. May my words and actions always be a reflection of You and Your influence in my life. Please show me where I am self seeking and help me to not act and react in anger. Forgive me for keeping records of past wrongs. May I learn to bury those and move on. Please steer my heart from evilness and finding joy in things that destroy. Guide me away from those things in my life that are not honoring You. Help me to recognize and be thankful for all the goodness. May I be ever mindful that true love is always protecting, trusting, hoping, and perservering through whatever this life brings.

In Your Awesome and Holy Name, Amen




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Reflections on Step-Parenting

You know when people set out to be parents they have nine months to prepare for a new little one. They read all the books, ask questions to those who (or is it whom? that is one grammatical item I cant seem to grasp) have gone before them, and make room in their hearts and home for baby. I suppose a woman we plan way more ahead than nine months, most of us start those plans when we young... 5,6,or7. I know I did and in my head from that time on it has been "baby"... but I find myself in a different scenario that what I imagined as a little girl. I only had about 4 months to prepare for "little ones" and they are not babies (even if they act like it from time to time :)) And there are two of them. Sure they cry, and fuss, make a mess, they also laugh, and hug, and ask for help. So I am also realizing that these two precious children have come into my life and a lot of who they are is already formed and my hope is that I have some influence on who they become. We have experienced some growing pains and I believe it has been a learning curve for everyone involved. I just find myself some days sitting back in the wonder of it all. I am not a person who is fond of the word "step" anything... child, sister, brother, parent. But that is indeed what I am. It doesn't make me any less of a parent, or any less of a mom nor does it change the way I feel about my kids. I couldn't love them anymore than if they had been mine from birth. So it might not be as I had planned to be a mom but thank goodness God had other plans. And He is teaching me patience and grace and showing me that the heart of a child is pure love. Sure they don't always do loving things but I am finding a much greater appreciation for parents and step parents alike. Some days I still feel a bit inadequate but I am sure than any parent has felt that from time to time. I can only pray that the kids know how much they are loved, that my actions and words be building block in their self-esteem, character, and walk with the Lord, and as the days, months and years pass by our relationships only grow stronger.

"Lord I thank-you for this wonderful and awesome opportunity to be a part of Nathanael and Macaela's life. I know that their precious little hearts are in my hands for safe keeping. Help me be strong when I am weak, help me be patient when I am at my end, help me to love when they are unlovable, help me to see humor in the little things, and help them to see You in all that I do. I thank you for bringing them into my life and fulfilling a dream of motherhood. In Jesus name, Amen"

So to all you parents out there... Love on your kids today for they are a gift from God.

My Husband Rocks

To explain why he rocks you have to understand where I was about 10 years ago. I was two years into a marriage with a man who didn't want to be married. We basically lived as roommates and I was drowning in a sea of despair and depression was taking hold of me and taking me into a deep vast darkness. I spent the next 4 years trying to make it work with a man who in the end simply chose his secrets and lies over our marriage. I woke up one morning and looked in the mirror and had no idea who I was anymore. Not long after that we parted ways and I began a new life far away from the sadness of our little home and life together. Through the pain and heartbreak of being unwanted I found myself again. I found joy in the things I once loved without the ridicule and judgment lurking over my shoulder. I eventually returned to the Lord through some trial and tribulation and He was there with me all the while as I learned forgiveness for those who hurt me and learned to see myself as God sees me. This is where my husband comes in. After several friends encouragement to try Christian Mingle.com I finally checked it out. After three months I met a wonderful Godly man who challenged me spiritually, who listened to me intently, who trully cherished me, and who took the time and care to love me for me not for what I could do for him. As my husband now of almost 7 months, I can honestly say that if I had known what marriage was trully supposed to be like I would never have stayed in my first marriage for 6 long years. I prayed for a long time for a man like him. One that Loves the Lord and reflects that love in everything thats he does, a man that loves his family beyond himself, a man that seeks righteousness, faithfullness, truthfullness, a man that hopes and dreams and a passion for them, and a man that is dedicated to making a marriage, a life with me. He is all that and so much more. I know that God answered my prayer when he entered my life. God restored me, but my husband ROCKS MY WORLD!! :)

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All in a days work...

Yesterday I (well my husband) volunteered (me) to go out with him into the field. I had no idea that was even a possibilty so I jumped at the opportunity to get a glimpse at what is it he does. We drove up to the forest in the Forest Sevice truck :), crossed to creeks (one by bridge, one by board), around some willows and through thorn bushes, to get to the fence we were going to take out. My job... pull out the staples on the wood posts. Sounds easy enough right? Well let me tell you these were not my idea of staples. They look like a u-shaped nail, pointed on both ends, with no head. Each post had 3-4 of these so called staples. I used a hammer to remove the little buggers. I am not sure how much fence we took out but it was a lot. Chris came behind me and removed the fences stablers with wire cutters. I have to say I got the better end of the deal. It was hard work, my body ached after we were done. My hands I thought for sure would have blisters, but I think all I did was wear off my finger prints :0). Today my hamstrings are screaming at me, my back aches, and I am well pretty much pooped. All I did was pull out "staples" for a few hours. I can only say that I have a much greater appreciation for the hard work that he puts in day in and day out. I LOVE YOU BABY and I am proud to be your wife.

Our Journey

I realized today it has been a while since I have been on here to write. I suppose there has not been much to write about but in reality it just has been too overwhelming to sit down and do this. We are still in transition. Transistioning from renters to owners/landlords, employed by someone else to self employed, from small town to larger one, all in all it is coming along but still praying for guidance, answers, patience, endurance, strength, and peace. The next few months will be trying, but I know we have not been lead this far for it to all fall apart now. Your continued prayers for us are much appreciated as we seek God's Will for this journey He has put us on.