Time Warp Wife 31 Day Challenge, Day 1

I receive in my email everyday a devotion from Time Warp Wife and I confess many days go by without even opening my email. I am sure I miss a lot of inspiring words of encouragement because I my lack of desire to even open one email. Today as I was sifting through the many emails I came across this challenge so I opened it. I am 7 days behind but better late than never. The challenge for day one was to read Corithians chapter 13, the love chapter and answer some questions about that chapter. Well I took it a step further and wrote out the whole chapter in my journal. And reflected on how many times I do not love others the way God has called me to. His instructions are there in black and white and so many times I have completely ignored His ways. I wrote a prayer afterward to help me learn to love more like Him. More of His love and less of mine...

Lord,
      I pray for patience beyond measure and forgivness when it runs thin. Kindness for all even those who seek to harm. Help me not to be jealous of my husband's time, envious of what others have, and thankful of my many blessings. Please guard my heart and mouth from boastful words and help me to not have prideful thoughts and actions. Please show me ways to honor others with all that I say and do. May my words and actions always be a reflection of You and Your influence in my life. Please show me where I am self seeking and help me to not act and react in anger. Forgive me for keeping records of past wrongs. May I learn to bury those and move on. Please steer my heart from evilness and finding joy in things that destroy. Guide me away from those things in my life that are not honoring You. Help me to recognize and be thankful for all the goodness. May I be ever mindful that true love is always protecting, trusting, hoping, and perservering through whatever this life brings.

In Your Awesome and Holy Name, Amen




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Reflections on Step-Parenting

You know when people set out to be parents they have nine months to prepare for a new little one. They read all the books, ask questions to those who (or is it whom? that is one grammatical item I cant seem to grasp) have gone before them, and make room in their hearts and home for baby. I suppose a woman we plan way more ahead than nine months, most of us start those plans when we young... 5,6,or7. I know I did and in my head from that time on it has been "baby"... but I find myself in a different scenario that what I imagined as a little girl. I only had about 4 months to prepare for "little ones" and they are not babies (even if they act like it from time to time :)) And there are two of them. Sure they cry, and fuss, make a mess, they also laugh, and hug, and ask for help. So I am also realizing that these two precious children have come into my life and a lot of who they are is already formed and my hope is that I have some influence on who they become. We have experienced some growing pains and I believe it has been a learning curve for everyone involved. I just find myself some days sitting back in the wonder of it all. I am not a person who is fond of the word "step" anything... child, sister, brother, parent. But that is indeed what I am. It doesn't make me any less of a parent, or any less of a mom nor does it change the way I feel about my kids. I couldn't love them anymore than if they had been mine from birth. So it might not be as I had planned to be a mom but thank goodness God had other plans. And He is teaching me patience and grace and showing me that the heart of a child is pure love. Sure they don't always do loving things but I am finding a much greater appreciation for parents and step parents alike. Some days I still feel a bit inadequate but I am sure than any parent has felt that from time to time. I can only pray that the kids know how much they are loved, that my actions and words be building block in their self-esteem, character, and walk with the Lord, and as the days, months and years pass by our relationships only grow stronger.

"Lord I thank-you for this wonderful and awesome opportunity to be a part of Nathanael and Macaela's life. I know that their precious little hearts are in my hands for safe keeping. Help me be strong when I am weak, help me be patient when I am at my end, help me to love when they are unlovable, help me to see humor in the little things, and help them to see You in all that I do. I thank you for bringing them into my life and fulfilling a dream of motherhood. In Jesus name, Amen"

So to all you parents out there... Love on your kids today for they are a gift from God.

My Husband Rocks

To explain why he rocks you have to understand where I was about 10 years ago. I was two years into a marriage with a man who didn't want to be married. We basically lived as roommates and I was drowning in a sea of despair and depression was taking hold of me and taking me into a deep vast darkness. I spent the next 4 years trying to make it work with a man who in the end simply chose his secrets and lies over our marriage. I woke up one morning and looked in the mirror and had no idea who I was anymore. Not long after that we parted ways and I began a new life far away from the sadness of our little home and life together. Through the pain and heartbreak of being unwanted I found myself again. I found joy in the things I once loved without the ridicule and judgment lurking over my shoulder. I eventually returned to the Lord through some trial and tribulation and He was there with me all the while as I learned forgiveness for those who hurt me and learned to see myself as God sees me. This is where my husband comes in. After several friends encouragement to try Christian Mingle.com I finally checked it out. After three months I met a wonderful Godly man who challenged me spiritually, who listened to me intently, who trully cherished me, and who took the time and care to love me for me not for what I could do for him. As my husband now of almost 7 months, I can honestly say that if I had known what marriage was trully supposed to be like I would never have stayed in my first marriage for 6 long years. I prayed for a long time for a man like him. One that Loves the Lord and reflects that love in everything thats he does, a man that loves his family beyond himself, a man that seeks righteousness, faithfullness, truthfullness, a man that hopes and dreams and a passion for them, and a man that is dedicated to making a marriage, a life with me. He is all that and so much more. I know that God answered my prayer when he entered my life. God restored me, but my husband ROCKS MY WORLD!! :)

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All in a days work...

Yesterday I (well my husband) volunteered (me) to go out with him into the field. I had no idea that was even a possibilty so I jumped at the opportunity to get a glimpse at what is it he does. We drove up to the forest in the Forest Sevice truck :), crossed to creeks (one by bridge, one by board), around some willows and through thorn bushes, to get to the fence we were going to take out. My job... pull out the staples on the wood posts. Sounds easy enough right? Well let me tell you these were not my idea of staples. They look like a u-shaped nail, pointed on both ends, with no head. Each post had 3-4 of these so called staples. I used a hammer to remove the little buggers. I am not sure how much fence we took out but it was a lot. Chris came behind me and removed the fences stablers with wire cutters. I have to say I got the better end of the deal. It was hard work, my body ached after we were done. My hands I thought for sure would have blisters, but I think all I did was wear off my finger prints :0). Today my hamstrings are screaming at me, my back aches, and I am well pretty much pooped. All I did was pull out "staples" for a few hours. I can only say that I have a much greater appreciation for the hard work that he puts in day in and day out. I LOVE YOU BABY and I am proud to be your wife.

Our Journey

I realized today it has been a while since I have been on here to write. I suppose there has not been much to write about but in reality it just has been too overwhelming to sit down and do this. We are still in transition. Transistioning from renters to owners/landlords, employed by someone else to self employed, from small town to larger one, all in all it is coming along but still praying for guidance, answers, patience, endurance, strength, and peace. The next few months will be trying, but I know we have not been lead this far for it to all fall apart now. Your continued prayers for us are much appreciated as we seek God's Will for this journey He has put us on.

Life Is As It Was Meant To Be

            I have had a wonderful week. Last wednesday my little sister and her fiancee showed up on my doorstep and surprised me with an impromtu visit. Although I think it had been planned I just didn't know about it. We had a great time, catching up and hanging out. Time with her is leisurly and I love that about her. As the years go the years between us fade. I am so proud of the woman she is and for the woman she wants to be. And Shaun is okay too :). Thanks for bringing her and I hope it is the first of many visits :). They left saturday afternoon and my mom and older sister came in saturday evening. This was Kristina's first visit to my home. It was a blessing to have them both here. Chris and I didn't have the kids this weekend but we got to see them. They were excited when they saw Grandma. Macaela especially. I know it was music to my moms ears to here her say "GRANDMA!!". What can I say it fills my heart as well. :) We spent Sunday exploring and showing off all the wonders that eastern Idaho has to offer. It was cold and windy but we didn't let that stop us. Mom took pictures ofcourse, I was thankful the sun cooperated even though it was a bit cloudy. Yesterday we girls set off for the Falls. Idaho Falls that is... Did some shopping and had lunch. It was just like old times and just what the doctor ordered... SOME GIRL TIME!! (and antique shop and craft stores please) So I feel renewed, restored, and refreshed.
             When I first joined Christian Mingle, I wasn't sure where is was going to lead me. My ultimate goal was to just get out there again. Put my best foot forward and take a chance. I found that dating on the internet wasn't much different than out there in the "real world" but maybe a part of it was safer. I had no idea it would lead me to the love of my life, to children I adore and love as if they were my own, to a world I have never known. In the information that I had to give on my profile I stated that I was not interested in moving any further away than 6 hours from family. I am 5 1/2 hours from Boise. Yes, I miss my family but they are not that far away and the drive is realtivly easy most of the year. This is what I wanted. God has answered my prayer. He blessed me with a kind, caring, passionate, patient, snuggle bug of a man. He knew Chris was my match mate. I knew it too. All the things that I desire for my life are here, and no it's not easy and we struggle, but we have eachother and that is enough. So life is as it was meant to be... TRULLY!!

Uhg Sunday Morning Blues

I know that sounds terrible!! Sunday should be a wonderful day. Sunday is the Lords Day, well everyday is His day, but we set aside one special day every week just for Him. You know I can remember in my growing up years several Sundays wishing and hoping my parents would say "We are not going to church today, we are going to sleep in have brunch and family time." That never happened by the way but I am sure there were times that I wanted to and so did my parents. I am sure of another thing too on those days had we done just that we probably would have missed out on a blessing and aloud satan to rob of us our JOY. Yesterday was one such day. Now I got up ready to get to church. I am enjoying it more and more. It has taken me a few months to feel comfortable here but it is starting to feel like home. I was actually excited about gettting to church. Chris and I have decided to join a sunday school class and they are going through The Truth Project. So we have a hours drive to church so getting ready can be tricky especially with the kids in tow. But we did pretty well only about 10 min behind schedule. But it snowed the night before, 3 1/2 inches mind you, so the roads weren't the best so that made travel a little slower. Well then about half way there we decide to prepare the kids for the fact that they are going to be going to their own classes today and all chaos breaks out. It starts with flat out "NO!!!!!" Then "WHY DO WE HAVE TO?" Proceeded by "I DON'T WANT TO GO TODAY!!!", "WHY DO WE HAVE TO GO TO CHURCH ANYWAY?', "CLASS IS BORING?'.... on and on and on...Now I realize I am new at this whole thing with parenting and stuff but I will admit my blood started to boil just a bit. So I started praying... "Lord please help my children right now, soften their hearts, give us the right words to speak to them, and PLEASE HELP ME FOR I AM GOING TO SAY SOMETHING OUT OF ANGER!!" I am not sure what I was most upset about?... Now I am not wanting to force them into anything. I dont think that is right either. But they simply were not even willing to try. We pulled into the parking lot. Chris said that we were going to sit in the car a moment because the tention was thick and not a good way to walk into church. I had frankly heard enough so I exited the car, to allow him a moment to speak with them without my emotions spilling all over. I walked inside, found a table in the foyer to chill at and opened my Bible. What did I find emmediatly... a small devotion on blended families and the difficulties of that. REALLY? Yeah that is something I already know this morning God, but thanks anyway. But the truth is I really needed to figure out what I was so upset over. Kids will be kids and walking into something new and different is not an easy thing. It is out of our comfort zone. It is understandable that they would not want to go. I get that. Then what exactly is my problem? Well I think it was the basically the idea that it was somehow an option. It wasn't presented as such, but it went from NO I WILL NOT GO TO CLASS to I WONT GO PERIOD!! It was a lesson for all of us. I needed to get to the heart of the problem for me. It was that I was asking a small favor so that I could do something that I wanted to do, and when presented with such opposition I was disappointed and that lead to anger. At this point I wanted to leave, any kind of emotion sends me into to tears and I really just wanted to go home and crawl into bed and put the covers over my head and lick my wounds. Again I ask myself "why are you taking this so personally?" And then it hits me. Satan would like nothing more than to steal my JOY!! Well I am not going to let that happen. So we will stay for service. This is not how I planned my day but all things happen for a reason. We did miss class, but one of our children went to class. I had a heart to heart with the other child. It went something like this...
                     ~  " Sometimes we do things for others because we love them. Sometimes we are asked to do difficult things but we do them because we love the one asking us to do it. Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone to experience a new adventure. Example: Moving to eastern Idaho to be with your Dad and make a family with you, leaving all that I know and love behind, because I love you and wanted to be here with you. I would never ask anything of you that I was not willing to do myself. I too was going to start a new class and step out of my comfort zone as well. So we would have all been in the same boat just different rooms :). "~
Oh the joy of parenthood... Well as it turns out the child who went to class had a great time and we went to service and blessings flowed. I bawled most of the service. We read Psalm 46... "God is our refuge and strenth, and ever-present help in trouble... " Our family experienced a shaking, a giving of way, an uproar of emotions, a surging of the tide... yet God calmed us and answered my prayer from earlier in the car... "give me the words to say Lord and soften my childrens hearts"  The words came and the softening crept in like a warm spring day. My daughter held my hand during worship service and sang her little heart out to Jesus, she also took sermon notes, melted my heart. After lunch she said she was sorry that we didn't get to go to our class and asked if we would be able to go next week. So all good things come from the Lord in His time. It was a growing time for us as a family. Trouble may come our way, mountains may crumble into the sea, the earth may give way, the seas will roar, nations will war against one another... but God is our Fortress, therefore we shall not fear.

Don't Wait!!

 This is a lesson for me, say what you mean and mean what you say for tomorrow may never come. We have things that we need to tell people but we don't. We think we always have tomorrow, but tomorrow is today I don't have any time left. He is gone, the Father took him home and I am left with what was unsaid.    " We had some good times, we had some bad, my love for quirkiness comes from you, I remember the lessons you taught me, I remember the stories, thanks for puting up with my teenage antics, I love you and I forgive you..." But you see I cant tell you these things because I waited too long and I am too late. My hope is now in your quiet stillness and restful sleep you know all these things.

.

Heart Shaped Turkey Burgers...

Nothing says Happy Valentines than my husbands favorite food in a heart shape no less. He was thrilled, bless his heart. I told him it needed to be our new tradition. He said "What have turkey burgers every Monday?" LOL Yeah Baby that is exactly what I meant. :) He then told it was the best heart sandwich he had ever had... probably the only heart sandwich he has ever had but still the best.

He sent me the sweetest text today... made me cry. Now you have to understand something. He is not a texter and when he does text it is short and to the point. But today's was special, today's was better that chocolate or flowers, today's spoke to the core of my being. So at 4:43 this is what I got from my Valentine. "Do you remember our first kiss? I do and that is what I am thinking about right now." I wote back and said I could never in a million years forget it!"

A quiet house...

We have a quiet house once again. The kids are here from thursday till sunday every other weekend. When they are here I can't hear the fish tank, the fridge, the toilet running, Max barking, the microwave beep, or the oven buzzer. When they are here I hear... Sis, Sis, SIS!!!!, brotherrrrrr, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!, more please, in a sec, I don't want to, that's mine, can we watch a movie, prayers of an innocent child and I love you. So it's Sunday night and I have to get used to the quiet again. (Well minus the pilfering my husband is doing. :)!! )

Insomnia

This is absolutly crazy... It's 3:14 in the morning and I am up wide awake and hungry... I have tried a bunch of things and nothing seems to have worked seeing as I am on my blog now blogging about not sleeping. I am going to give it one more try...

Unforgivness...

Unforgivness is a nasty beast. Believe me I know this to be true. I have carried the burden around in my heart, on my sleeve, under the mask of a happy person. It literally eats you up inside and many times along with it comes anger and resentment, and then the really ugly... bitterness. I reached a point last year, last May in fact where I finally said ENOUGH!! I could no longer carry it, I could no longer allow it to steal my joy. God worked a miracle in me that day. Letting go finally of the pain that I have no business holding onto was laid at the cross and I have not picked it up again. I was set free!! And in doing that my heart was ready and able to love again. But to get to that point something else happened and it's now something I have to deal with. That morning that I had to face the ugly truth of unforgivness in my heart, I had a terrible encounter with someone I love and care about. That encounter sent a tailspin of assumptions and accusations that have ended in an all out war of words. And now many months of silence. I know in my heart that this needs to be resolved but I do not know how to do it. God used her words that hurt me to the core to bring me to my knees. This I am thankful for but I also know He would not want us to go on like this. So here I am again with the unforgivness raising it's disgusting head. I am sorry for the way things turned out, and I am still licking my wounds from the hurtful things that were said. I want to get past this. I want to forgive and move on. I want to be able to say I am sorry but also to say my peace without being told I am wrong to feel the way I do. I want an apology, an explanation for why I was attacked so viciously. I do want this person in my life, she has missed out on so much. She hasn't even met my husband. But the relationship we had before is no longer, it died months ago. So can we move on, can we repair the damage, can we have a healthy loving relationship? I do not know and I am scared to try.

13 Reasons

13 reasons I love my life...

1. I wake up next to the love of my life every morning.

2. I have the greatest two kids any "step" parent could ask for.

3. I have a Mom and a Dad who love me and did their best to raise me right.

4. I have the best siblings, life would have been very boring without them in it. (including in-laws) :)

5. I have the most awesomest nieces and nephews, it is an honor to be their aunt.

6. I have the dearest and sweetest Grandma around, she has shown me the world through her eyes.

7. I have Aunts and Uncles galore, who have been like parents but so much cooler :).

8. I have the most fantabulous cousins, we can be apart for years and pick up where we left off.

9. I have a treasure trove of friends, whom without I would be lost.

10. I have my health, I am so very thankful for this because I am not a pleasant sick person.

11. I have the ability to learn and the desire to improve myself.

12. I have a past that keeps me hopeful for the future.

13. I have Jesus, for without Him I have nothing!!

I have more than 13 reasons to love my life but I thought I would stay with the theme of bakers dozen...

The other woman...

I am the other woman...

Although I entered the picture well after the separation, well after the divorce...

I am still the other woman....

I am the other woman in his life now

I am the other woman in their childrens lives

I have taken over where she used to reside

I have filled the broken pieces of his heart and made it whole again

Our life is different than their life was...

Better, richer, harmonious, a firm foundation in Christ

But still, I am the other woman...

Not in his eyes,

But in the eyes of those around

So I may be the other woman...

But I get to love him with my whole heart

I get to love his children as my own

And our life together is wonderful...

So who cares if I am the other woman...

in this case the other woman wins...

And the other woman is me!!

Transition

Life is full of them... we are in one right now. I feel it.

I know it's a part of life, CHANGE is a part of life. But it terrifies me to be perfectly honest.

TRUST... is my word for the year. I trust that God knows our steps even before we take them. He knows the desires of our heart. His promise is that He will be there no matter what and that what ever comes we are safe in the shelter of His wings.

Groundhogs Day

I wasn't sure if they were going to be able to get the little guy out with all the bad weather in the North East but I read this morning they did and he predicted an early spring. I am sure that makes a lot of people happy in many parts of the country :). Funny how we cling to superstition... although he can probably predict it as well as our weather men can. g

Well the wind has finally died down, still cold but not as cold. The sun is out this morning and skies are clear and blue. If it's not too cold I am going for a walk later today. There is a building on the next street over that I am dying to explore. It says no trespassing but it is an amazing old relic. I will get some pics of it and post them. The museum here in town isn't open during the winter months but when it is open I am going to do some research on that old place. It is right on the railroad tracks so I wonder if back in the day this was a stop for travelers. So many buildings here are abandoned, left to sit empty and  fade away into oblivion. I am told that someone in California owns most of the down town buildings. It is a shame to see it left in such a manner. I don't know if people around here are just so used to it or maybe there is nothing that can be done. Except for the 300 some odd people that live here it is practically a ghost town. Winter months make it feel like that even more I am sure.

The greatest part about living here other than being with the love of my life. Is we are surrounded by mountains. I am in awe of their majestic display. My camera doesn't quite capture their grandeur. If I could paint or draw I could never do them justice. It is beautiful here despite the small town stigma. Newcomers have a hard time fitting. I am thankful I have Chris. We are such good friends that I do not feel lonely.

February 1st Already

So I talked about doing this months ago... but have been puting it off for some reason. Not sure if anyone will care about this but if you want to know what is going on in the life of the Eastern Idaho Baker's you can check it out here. So far this evening is pretty boring... tax stuff. My poor husband puting up with me going through my chaos to find the AGI number to file the darm things. The IRS pin wasnt working. AHhhhhhhhhh! I hate this time of the year. But the good news is we are getting money back. I was afraid with my income it was going to send us into the next tax bracket and it didn't. So funny my hubby is sitting next to me and we are both blogging... Mine is mindless chatter his is about business I am sure. So anyway I hope this will inspire me to finish my book... any insights will be much appreciated. Also just want to share about our life here in Idaho too.