Well it has been over eight months since I have written anything on this blog of mine. It's not as if I haven't had anything to write about either. I suppose I just haven't taken the time to. What a year it has been...Ups and downs, steep hills to climb and valleys to forge. Some days I feel like I am drowning in the abyss of uncertainty and other days I am on top of the world and nothing or no one can take me down. I suppose life is just like this. God has been teaching me a lot about patience and contentment. And although I fail in that most days I am so in awe of His grace for me.
We are still waiting for word on Chris's job. This has been a nightmare and I finally told Chris until I see official paperwork stating that his job is no longer I am not packing one box. I trust that God has a plan but I wish sometimes He would just let us in on it. Life is a journey. We can either fall apart in the wake of the unknown or allow God to lead. This is certainly easier said than done. I believe it is through the trials of life that we grow. He allows a certain amount of heartache to push us. I want to be up for the challenge. I will confess my will gets the better of me sometimes. But like a loving Father he corrects me and sets me on the right path. We like sheep have gone astray... I am a wandering sheep with ADD!! I am sure He looks at me and shakes his head.
Kids started school this week. Nathanael is now in the 6th grade and at the high school... CRAZY!! He has 7 classes I believe and one of those classes is Shop. I think he will really get a lot out of that class. I am praying that this year will be better than last. Nathanael is a wonderful kid but he has a hard time making friends. I don't know why that it. My prayer for him is that he finds a good friend this year. Macaela is a 4th grader this year. She has a new teacher just hired this last summer. I am thankful though she is a seasoned teacher. Macaela loves school and has many friends. I pray that this year she will be able to master all of her subjects. She did so well last year in catching up. She is almost at grade level for reading. Really proud of her. Both kids are playing soccer this fall. Should be a busy season!
I have been dealing with a heal bone spur all summer long. I have never been in this much pain in my life. Granted I have never been through child birth but I suppose this would be second to that. I will be returning to the doctor on Monday and asking for him to do surgery. I can't live with this forever and well with the probable job loss and insurance being no longer I need to do something. I am tired of being laid up every other week or so.
Thank you Lord for seeing us though all things :)
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Our new year is already faced with uncertainty... We have known for a few months now that Chris's job with the USFS was on the chopping block we just haven't known the specifics as to when and wether or not he would have a job somewhere else. It has been a restless waiting game. In the meantime he has been working tirelessly on his business plan and making contacts to help get funding with lots of success but still needing a few minor details to fall into to place. Which could happen tomorrow or six months from now. Looks as though we will be facing a move and jobloss fairly soon. I won't lie somedays are harder than others. It seems as though when I am worried and feel the preasure of the unknown Chris is positive and unbeat and vice versa so we are a good team. We also know that God is going to provide no matter what. But as I look around our little home, the home I have grown to love, where Chris, the kids and I have become a family, everything we do is becoming our last... our last Christmas and New Years, our last winter, our final weeks will be filled with those. And that can be exciting on some level that this adventure we are on is always changing. But sometimes it also feels as though the carpet could be pulled out from underneath me at any moment in time. We have some tough decision to make in the coming months. It is possible that Chris will be offered a buyout at work but this means he will not be able to work for the government for the next five years in any capacity including fire assignments, it is a nice chunk of change that would allow us to live on it for a while until the business gets going but nothing to fall back on if it doesn't, or he can take the settlement which is considerably less money but he would still be able to work for another agency and continue his fire assignments should we need the extra income this summer. It is hard to know what to do. I trust that my husband will do what he thinks is best for our family and I know he is seeking God's direction. I am praying for a clear path to be laid ahead for doors to be opened or closed according to God's will for our lives. And I ask of you as my friends and family reading this that you too will come along side and pray with us as well. In times like these I am always drawn back to Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm, to give you hope and a future." and Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight." So when the doubts creep in and I give way to the unknown future I have to go back to what I believe to be true and that is God promised to never leave me or forsake me especially in troubled times. He never promised it would be easy but that He would be there when it got tough. Lord I thank-you for loving me enough to send me through trying times to show me what blessings are to beheld through the tears and heartache. Lord I seek your will to be done though us and that our will doesn't try to overcome yours. Father I know that you have gone before us a made a way help us to see open our eyes and hearts. I ask for forgivness when we have faltered and gave in to worry and doubt. I ask for peace beyond our understanding when the final decision is made. Lord I thank you that you are carrying us through and although we dont always understand why but I pray that you will be glorified in all that we say and do and that your light will shine through us and give others around us who are struggling a glimpse of your greatness. Father your love for us is beyond description and many times I know I have taken that for granted, please forgive me for that. Help me to know you are here Lord. I pray these things in Jesus name, Amen