Heart Shaped Turkey Burgers...

Nothing says Happy Valentines than my husbands favorite food in a heart shape no less. He was thrilled, bless his heart. I told him it needed to be our new tradition. He said "What have turkey burgers every Monday?" LOL Yeah Baby that is exactly what I meant. :) He then told it was the best heart sandwich he had ever had... probably the only heart sandwich he has ever had but still the best.

He sent me the sweetest text today... made me cry. Now you have to understand something. He is not a texter and when he does text it is short and to the point. But today's was special, today's was better that chocolate or flowers, today's spoke to the core of my being. So at 4:43 this is what I got from my Valentine. "Do you remember our first kiss? I do and that is what I am thinking about right now." I wote back and said I could never in a million years forget it!"

A quiet house...

We have a quiet house once again. The kids are here from thursday till sunday every other weekend. When they are here I can't hear the fish tank, the fridge, the toilet running, Max barking, the microwave beep, or the oven buzzer. When they are here I hear... Sis, Sis, SIS!!!!, brotherrrrrr, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!, more please, in a sec, I don't want to, that's mine, can we watch a movie, prayers of an innocent child and I love you. So it's Sunday night and I have to get used to the quiet again. (Well minus the pilfering my husband is doing. :)!! )

Insomnia

This is absolutly crazy... It's 3:14 in the morning and I am up wide awake and hungry... I have tried a bunch of things and nothing seems to have worked seeing as I am on my blog now blogging about not sleeping. I am going to give it one more try...

Unforgivness...

Unforgivness is a nasty beast. Believe me I know this to be true. I have carried the burden around in my heart, on my sleeve, under the mask of a happy person. It literally eats you up inside and many times along with it comes anger and resentment, and then the really ugly... bitterness. I reached a point last year, last May in fact where I finally said ENOUGH!! I could no longer carry it, I could no longer allow it to steal my joy. God worked a miracle in me that day. Letting go finally of the pain that I have no business holding onto was laid at the cross and I have not picked it up again. I was set free!! And in doing that my heart was ready and able to love again. But to get to that point something else happened and it's now something I have to deal with. That morning that I had to face the ugly truth of unforgivness in my heart, I had a terrible encounter with someone I love and care about. That encounter sent a tailspin of assumptions and accusations that have ended in an all out war of words. And now many months of silence. I know in my heart that this needs to be resolved but I do not know how to do it. God used her words that hurt me to the core to bring me to my knees. This I am thankful for but I also know He would not want us to go on like this. So here I am again with the unforgivness raising it's disgusting head. I am sorry for the way things turned out, and I am still licking my wounds from the hurtful things that were said. I want to get past this. I want to forgive and move on. I want to be able to say I am sorry but also to say my peace without being told I am wrong to feel the way I do. I want an apology, an explanation for why I was attacked so viciously. I do want this person in my life, she has missed out on so much. She hasn't even met my husband. But the relationship we had before is no longer, it died months ago. So can we move on, can we repair the damage, can we have a healthy loving relationship? I do not know and I am scared to try.

13 Reasons

13 reasons I love my life...

1. I wake up next to the love of my life every morning.

2. I have the greatest two kids any "step" parent could ask for.

3. I have a Mom and a Dad who love me and did their best to raise me right.

4. I have the best siblings, life would have been very boring without them in it. (including in-laws) :)

5. I have the most awesomest nieces and nephews, it is an honor to be their aunt.

6. I have the dearest and sweetest Grandma around, she has shown me the world through her eyes.

7. I have Aunts and Uncles galore, who have been like parents but so much cooler :).

8. I have the most fantabulous cousins, we can be apart for years and pick up where we left off.

9. I have a treasure trove of friends, whom without I would be lost.

10. I have my health, I am so very thankful for this because I am not a pleasant sick person.

11. I have the ability to learn and the desire to improve myself.

12. I have a past that keeps me hopeful for the future.

13. I have Jesus, for without Him I have nothing!!

I have more than 13 reasons to love my life but I thought I would stay with the theme of bakers dozen...

The other woman...

I am the other woman...

Although I entered the picture well after the separation, well after the divorce...

I am still the other woman....

I am the other woman in his life now

I am the other woman in their childrens lives

I have taken over where she used to reside

I have filled the broken pieces of his heart and made it whole again

Our life is different than their life was...

Better, richer, harmonious, a firm foundation in Christ

But still, I am the other woman...

Not in his eyes,

But in the eyes of those around

So I may be the other woman...

But I get to love him with my whole heart

I get to love his children as my own

And our life together is wonderful...

So who cares if I am the other woman...

in this case the other woman wins...

And the other woman is me!!

Transition

Life is full of them... we are in one right now. I feel it.

I know it's a part of life, CHANGE is a part of life. But it terrifies me to be perfectly honest.

TRUST... is my word for the year. I trust that God knows our steps even before we take them. He knows the desires of our heart. His promise is that He will be there no matter what and that what ever comes we are safe in the shelter of His wings.

Groundhogs Day

I wasn't sure if they were going to be able to get the little guy out with all the bad weather in the North East but I read this morning they did and he predicted an early spring. I am sure that makes a lot of people happy in many parts of the country :). Funny how we cling to superstition... although he can probably predict it as well as our weather men can. g

Well the wind has finally died down, still cold but not as cold. The sun is out this morning and skies are clear and blue. If it's not too cold I am going for a walk later today. There is a building on the next street over that I am dying to explore. It says no trespassing but it is an amazing old relic. I will get some pics of it and post them. The museum here in town isn't open during the winter months but when it is open I am going to do some research on that old place. It is right on the railroad tracks so I wonder if back in the day this was a stop for travelers. So many buildings here are abandoned, left to sit empty and  fade away into oblivion. I am told that someone in California owns most of the down town buildings. It is a shame to see it left in such a manner. I don't know if people around here are just so used to it or maybe there is nothing that can be done. Except for the 300 some odd people that live here it is practically a ghost town. Winter months make it feel like that even more I am sure.

The greatest part about living here other than being with the love of my life. Is we are surrounded by mountains. I am in awe of their majestic display. My camera doesn't quite capture their grandeur. If I could paint or draw I could never do them justice. It is beautiful here despite the small town stigma. Newcomers have a hard time fitting. I am thankful I have Chris. We are such good friends that I do not feel lonely.

February 1st Already

So I talked about doing this months ago... but have been puting it off for some reason. Not sure if anyone will care about this but if you want to know what is going on in the life of the Eastern Idaho Baker's you can check it out here. So far this evening is pretty boring... tax stuff. My poor husband puting up with me going through my chaos to find the AGI number to file the darm things. The IRS pin wasnt working. AHhhhhhhhhh! I hate this time of the year. But the good news is we are getting money back. I was afraid with my income it was going to send us into the next tax bracket and it didn't. So funny my hubby is sitting next to me and we are both blogging... Mine is mindless chatter his is about business I am sure. So anyway I hope this will inspire me to finish my book... any insights will be much appreciated. Also just want to share about our life here in Idaho too.