Wednesday, February 9, 2011


Unforgivness is a nasty beast. Believe me I know this to be true. I have carried the burden around in my heart, on my sleeve, under the mask of a happy person. It literally eats you up inside and many times along with it comes anger and resentment, and then the really ugly... bitterness. I reached a point last year, last May in fact where I finally said ENOUGH!! I could no longer carry it, I could no longer allow it to steal my joy. God worked a miracle in me that day. Letting go finally of the pain that I have no business holding onto was laid at the cross and I have not picked it up again. I was set free!! And in doing that my heart was ready and able to love again. But to get to that point something else happened and it's now something I have to deal with. That morning that I had to face the ugly truth of unforgivness in my heart, I had a terrible encounter with someone I love and care about. That encounter sent a tailspin of assumptions and accusations that have ended in an all out war of words. And now many months of silence. I know in my heart that this needs to be resolved but I do not know how to do it. God used her words that hurt me to the core to bring me to my knees. This I am thankful for but I also know He would not want us to go on like this. So here I am again with the unforgivness raising it's disgusting head. I am sorry for the way things turned out, and I am still licking my wounds from the hurtful things that were said. I want to get past this. I want to forgive and move on. I want to be able to say I am sorry but also to say my peace without being told I am wrong to feel the way I do. I want an apology, an explanation for why I was attacked so viciously. I do want this person in my life, she has missed out on so much. She hasn't even met my husband. But the relationship we had before is no longer, it died months ago. So can we move on, can we repair the damage, can we have a healthy loving relationship? I do not know and I am scared to try.

1 comment:

  1. Well a quick update... I sent a letter in hopes of a reconcilation. I hope and pray that this can be a new beginning for her and I. I do miss her terribly and want to move on forward.